Author Nina Edmondson - Hypnotherapist - Yoga Therapist - NLP Practitioner - Meditation Guide Communication Games In light of the #MeToo awareness campaign I thought I’d offer something a little different.
These games will help to raise the players awareness - of what they want - what they don’t want - and be able to communicate from a place of integrity. Although we can’t change what happened in the past - we can ALL learn to understand ourselves and communicate more effectively (whatever our gender or sexual orientation) - which will help to prevent unwanted situations in the future. To learn something it helps to have our own experience of it. I’m thinking if more people play games like this it would ground them more deeply in awareness of self, clarify their needs and boundaries, help avoid misguided expectation and judgement, increase ability to communicate clearly, develop empathy, bring more playfulness, honesty and intimacy into relationship AND be a whole lot of fun in the process. Warm Up - (to get grounded) Before each game these tips will help you get settled and calm: Close your eyes, take some deep breaths then give yourself time (a few minutes) to notice / become aware of:
Game One - Who Are You? Objectives:
How to Play: This is a one of my favourites. It's fun and apart from the above, helps remind us that we are way more than the usual definition of job or other roles. It's really simple. You take turns asking "Who are you?" and answer with one / two words each time.
Then repeat for as long as you like - I've played it before for up to an hour! Just keep going - even when you feel awkward or stuck. Try to be spontaneous and keep it in-the-moment. That means listening to the other (be present to their process instead of preparing what you’ll say next). Let it unfold organically and come from the gut. Allow yourself to be surprised by what comes out of your mouth!
curious / a dancer / a nature lover / fire / a cynic / strong / an introvert / grateful / adventurous / a giver / spontaneous / enthusiastic / an over-thinker / wise / silly / playful / impatient / light / shadow / the breeze / an organizer / a reader / an explorer / an observer / creative / a lover / an artist / a thinker / a singer / the universe! Game Two - Noticing Objectives:
How to Play: The more vulnerable, edgy and unfiltered, the more exhilarating and engaging this game becomes. This means sharing whatever comes up, nervousness, enjoyment, frustration, embarrassment etc., and being honest! Person A: What I notice when I’m with you is… Person B: Hearing that, I’m noticing . . . Person A: Hearing that, I’m noticing . . . Person B: Hearing that, I’m noticing . . . Play for as long as you like! Tip: Consider when communicating your thoughts that they are about you. You don’t know what your partner is thinking / how they are feeling until they tell you. You can only know about yourself. When you talk about how you notice you emphasise how YOU feel - This shifts the focus away from the other, which lets them take a step back without getting defensive - and gives him/her insight into your world. Game Three - Can I? Objectives:
Important bit - Do not touch your partner - even if the answer is “YES”. I suggest playing the version WITH TOUCH only after playing the first 5 rounds. How to Play: Ask your partner / friend if you can use a specific kind of touch on a specific part of their body. It’s more fun to be playful and inventive! Make sure you wait for a clear yes before touching. Important bit - Do not touch your partner - even if the answer is “YES”. I suggest playing the version WITH TOUCH only after playing the first 5 rounds. Round 1 Person A asks the question "Can I ( . . . )” and waits for the reply. Person B answers “NO”. A few examples: Can I hold your hand? Can I massage your feet? Can I scratch your back? Can I give you a hug? Can I lick your face? Can I pinch your ( . . . )? Can I squeeze your thighs? Can I stroke your hair? Can I bite your ( . . . )? Can I put my finger . . . This is repeated for 5 minutes or so with Person A asking different questions and Person B replying “NO” each time. (Even if something sounds nice). At the end of the round, Person B closes their eyes and reflects on all the questions asked. What felt like a “YES”? What felt like a “NO”? What felt like a “maybe"? (a maybe is a no until it feels like a yes). Round 2 Switch roles - Person B asks, Person A answers with “NO” - then closes their eyes to reflect as above. Round 3 Person A asks similar questions - Person B answers all questions with “YES” even if they don’t want what’s suggested. (Remember - do not follow through on the actual touch). Person B then closes their eyes to reflect as above. Round 4 Switch roles - Person B asks, Person A answers with “YES” - then closes their eyes to reflect as above. Round 5 Authentic Questions - Authentic Answers - WITHOUT TOUCH Each person takes a turn asking and answering. The person questioning now asks for anything they really want to do. This time, the person being asked responds authentically - communicating honestly what they want (Yes), and what they don't want (No). Remember - a 'maybe' is a 'No' until you're sure either way. Round 6 Authentic Questions - Authentic Answers - WITH TOUCH If you want to, take in turns to ask for what you would like (specific touch in a specific place). Always wait for a “YES” before going ahead. Say “NO” when it feels like it. Practice not taking the “NO” personally. If any issues come up, go back to Game 2! Tip: A rejection isn’t about you - it’s about what the other doesn’t want. All these games were inspired by Tantra and Authentic Relating Workshops I’ve taken part in. Special thanks to David Cates, Robyn Dalzen & Matthias Schwenteck for hosting some of these events. Learn more: The School of Consent is a training organisation promoting the values and skills of the Wheel of Consent, as developed by Dr. Betty Martin. Offering courses, events, coaching, and consulting for professionals, individuals & couples, and businesses.
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