Don't Worry Be Happy

Author

Nina Edmondson - Hypnotherapist - Yoga Therapist - NLP Practitioner - Meditation Guide

Your thoughts affect your well-being

My cat didn't come home last night and I started to worry.  My friend’s cat had gone missing the same day.  I live in Bali where it's not uncommon for pets to mysteriously disappear.

I call her name into pitch darkness along deserted muddy pathways between the rice fields.  Like a scene from a Grim fairy tale, rustling, squeaking and croaking emit from the undergrowth as my torch and fireflies light the way.

She's nowhere to be found.  I decide to leave the front door ajar in the hope she'll sneak in during the night.

Lying there I start to imagine the worst.  A cat-culling scenario or her lying in a ditch, poisoned. I begin to have future conversations in my mind, projecting my frustration, grief and helplessness onto the locals for allowing this to happen.  I wallow in my loss and the emptiness of it.

All this imagining makes me feel nervous and a little sick so I breathe deeply to calm myself and manage to doze.  Then at some point a munching sound tugs me back to consciousness.

I ignore it at first, being used to nature here in the rice fields with its constant soundscape of tropical creatures buzzing and scratching and scraping and squawking.  “But maybe”, I think, and get up to poke my head around the bathroom door - and see her there - greedily polishing off a mouse.

A huge sigh of relief - and time for a little reality check to reflect on how my thoughts had raced.  I’d given colourful life to totally imagined scenarios - making the connected emotional response feel extremely real.  I’d felt actual guilt, grief and anger due to a non-existent totally self-fabricated future.

My worry thoughts had affected my general emotional state.

They'd fed my distress.

I don’t have a fear of the dark, of strangers, spiders the size of my hand, things that go bump in the night or of cleaning up bloody rodent leftovers.
My cat though is a little anchor to me living here. The cat-alyst so to speak in my decision to stay.  In the past we’ve been separated by months and continents, then miraculously found each other again.  I fear going through that again. But, one fundamental truth about life is;

Everything Changes - Nothing Stands Still

Allowing your thoughts to focus on future worse-case scenarios (worrying) amplifies fear of change.

I’m working on being alright about whatever life hurls at me.   We can’t control or influence every outcome.

If you don't want your thoughts to dictate your well-being - you have to make an intervention.   Stepping in with awareness and noticing when you start to write novels in your mind - mistaking fantasy for reality.

I didn’t do too well last night, but usually when I catch myself worrying, these are some strategies I utilise to find another perspective and calm myself.

12 Ways to Stop Worrying

1.  BREATHING - ground yourself by following your breath from your head to your feet as you exhale and from your feet to your head as you inhale. Focusing on the breath brings you back HOME. It calms the nervous system and embodies you, bringing your attention away from unconstructive mind chatter.

2.  REPEATING - a mantra (a repetition of any inspiring or supportive word/s) - over and over. When worry thoughts are at their loudest, I find this the most effective technique - by focusing on one sentence - other thoughts quieten down. (The mind can't focus on everything at once). Examples could be: “I am loved”, “I am enough”, “I Can/Am (insert your own word)”.

3.  BRINGING - your attention to the outer present moment. Noticing the NOW, the beauty, quirkiness, humour, love, inspiration right in front of you.

4.  DOING - something you love - whatever that is, for me it’s usually messing around with graphics in Photoshop, writing, walking in nature, taking photos. Do YOUR thing.

5.  MOVING - get back into your body. Walk, run, dance, do yoga, play an active game/sport, jump up and down to music - again, this is very grounding and can calm your mind as much as sitting still in meditation!

6.  TAKING ACTION - Brainstorm options/possible solutions on paper - then take action towards the things you can influence - however small. Knowing you've done what you possibly can will greatly help you to transcend powerlessness, feel constructive or help you find a sense of closure.

7.  NOTICING - when a worry thought/fear pops up (mindfulness) - our most fundamental need is to feel safe, and we react to anything threatening that security. Name it for what it is. A worry thought. An imagining.

8.  WATCHING - the thought as a witness - from a third person perspective, like a fly on the wall. Objectively - without identifying personally with the 'story' - it’s just a thought - it doesn’t define YOU. You are way more than a passing thought (mindfulness meditation).

9.  TUNING INTO - your body, to the inner present moment - the feelings connected to the thoughts - Notice how your thoughts affect you physically - and which emotion is connected to this physical sensation (mindfulness). Examples; Stomach: nausea = helpless. Shoulders: tension = stress. Throat: tightness = frustration/anger. And so on. When you've identified which parts of the body are affected, send your breath there as you exhale - while telling that part of the body to relax and let go.

10.  MEDITATING - in the calm space of 'open monitoring' meditation - waiting patiently for deeper insights. When you don’t focus on the details (the story attached to the thought), deeper truths arise. Always.

11. ASKING - yourself about the CAUSE of this EFFECT - The effect is the worry thought.   What caused it? - I always look beneath the first answer that pops up as this is usually a reactive/defensive answer and not the root cause. How am I reacting/projecting my own insecurities onto others? etc. This is much easier to do after first calming yourself with body and breath awareness.

12.  REMEMBERING - what you have - Being grateful - directing your thoughts to all the positive things in your life, big and small - breathe it all in, breathe out a thank you from your heart. This is instantly uplifting - and the more you notice, the more you notice.

p.s. my friend found her cat too = Happy End!

No Worries